


The Mist, The Wind, The Despair

by ToastyMage



Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 03:52:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15877965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToastyMage/pseuds/ToastyMage
Summary: Some time after the dam explosion, Nick has an unexpected conversation in the middle of a raging thunderstorm.





	The Mist, The Wind, The Despair

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this today as a solo on my RP account. But a friend suggested I post it here as well. I figured, why not? :) I hope it can help tide you over as I continue and finish up the next very long-overdue chapter of my main work, "Katabasis". I sincerely apologize for the wait on that one!
> 
> A bit of trivia: this piece was inspired by the output of an Expressionism bot account on Twitter, which generates random statements that sometimes can be rather inspiring. I ran with it, as I usually do when the muse strikes. My prompt for this, courtesy of the bot, was: "The mist, the wind, the despair".
> 
> All in all, I think I have a thing for writing poor Nicky in terribly sad/dark situations. Just can't help it.

He wondered how long he could stand on the riverbank before they found him. Which “they” exactly? _All of ‘em._ The living, the dead. Those like him who were somewhere in between. Wouldn’t be long now. A sudden thunderstorm brought with it rumbles and rain, and clouds that raced across the night sky. But all of that hardly troubled Nick. He’d enjoy the time alone to sink into his thoughts, while it lasted. And he was swift to take that dangerous plunge.

The way the wind came with its low whistle, and kicked up the river mist had him transfixed. Captivated. And before he fully realized it, he had shuffled out into the shallows, staring at the ruined dam in the distance. Odd, almost blurry lights blinked at the rubble far ahead, and for a moment, Nick thought one of them took on a human shape. He stepped a little further out to get a better look, unbothered by the intensifying rain and lightning. But cognizance of his treacherous environment began slipping away, so mesmerized he was by the lights that likewise seemed to grow closer.

"Drowning, Nicky?" An all too familiar voice echoed. Nick’s eyes quickly re-opened, and he looked in every direction for the source. Nothing. No one. So he laughed bitterly, shrugging as he waded a bit further into the restless water. By now, he was halfway submerged.

"...Shit, it’s such a nice night, thought I’d go for a little swim. That’s all."

Stark white bolts of lightning heralded sharp thunderclaps resounding seemingly in response. And it was enough to startle Nick, and temporarily halt his steps further from the shallows. Troy’s disembodied voice continued.

"...A little swim ‘til you drown, or get knocked on your ass by a lightning strike, huh? Neither’s a great way to go. But drowning’s gonna be worse. Much worse. Trust me." His friend’s voice was as clear as if he were standing just a few feet away from him. It was still laced with that same pleasant mix of dark sarcasm and playfulness. But the younger couldn’t deny how it now also sounded heavier with sorrow.

"Yeah? How would you know?" He asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know the answer.

"...C’mon, now, Nicky...you really think that was it after your mom caved my head in? Nah, the force she gave it wasn’t enough to kill me." Troy said this with a dry chuckle, one that Nick was accustomed to hearing. But it still gave him chills.

"...What?" He gasped out the question, his eyes widening even more. "What are you saying? That...you…"

There was a pause. And then the horrifying follow-up. "The water...it woke me up after the place blew. But I couldn’t move. Got me just conscious enough to know what was happening, that the room was filling up."

Nick spun around in the water, desperately searching, and paying no mind to the roaring thunder, the bolts forking above, the rush of the wind. His legs wobbled beneath him, and he trembled at his friend’s words.

"...No...no...no…" He shook his head uselessly, fighting the tears that he knew were coming. It had been even worse than he’d known. Troy’s suffering had been worse. And he’d left him behind. "...No...you were gone. You were already gone!"

"I thought I was, too…’til I woke up. I hoped I wouldn’t see you in there then. Woulda killed you myself if you had come after me. If I could, I’d drag you out of that damn river right now."

Another lightning bolt split the sky, and the thunder crashed around him. But Nick barely moved. He struggled for words, struggled to do anything more than quake in the water. The ghostly lights at the ruins had meanwhile grown in size and brightness again. And between them, and the conversation he was holding with his dead companion, Nick was losing his ability to stay standing.

"I wanted to die...don’t you get it? I tried to die that day. Nothing’s changed between then and now!"

"...Still so blue, Nicky..."

"...How could I not be?" He asked as his voice finally started failing him, yielding to sobs that he tried in vain to stifle. And he wept there in the river. Eyes tightly shut as he cried, he felt the same rush of wind and spray of mist that hit him after the dam exploded. In seconds, he was transported to those moments. The moments of confusion, free-fall, and rolling groans of the crumbling structure. All of it, back in his mind. Overwhelming him. And he at last allowed it to press him backward into the water.

Nick hadn’t expected to collapse onto hard ground. But it roused him rather effectively from his dream. After cursing the pain from his fall, he realized he had rolled out of his bed onto the floor.

"Damnit…" He growled, rubbing the back and side of his head. But he soon found new reason to be perplexed. His left hand had come to rest on a piece of paper, one that he certainly hadn’t seen in the small room previously. It was out of place, but more than that, it was inexplicably soggy. "...The hell?"

He stayed there on the ground as he opened it up. And he nearly cried out when he saw what it contained. Scribbled on what appeared to be torn journal paper, and written in none other than Troy’s handwriting was a message. The blue ink was smudged from the moisture, but still legible. And though brief, still infinitely powerful.

_Still so blue, Nicky. But don’t rush it. I’ll see you again._

Nick clutched the paper, half-afraid to put it down, and half-afraid to crumple it to the point of destruction. And so he slowly fell back again on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t know where the note came from, or why it was so wet. The storm had only existed in his dream, and he stored no water containers nearby. Still exhausted with grief, he decided to take it as an unsettling, yet good omen. Obsessing over it wouldn’t lead to anything productive. At least not now.

"Was so real..." He murmured, just as the windows rattled in a sudden strong breeze. He thought he heard a raspy whisper not far from his ear. This caused him momentary alarm, but he just sighed, allowing his fear to lessen. "All of it...the mist...the wind…"

And the despair.


End file.
